


F̶i̶v̶e̶  A million second hugs

by DrarryMalecSolangelo



Series: Sanders Sides One Shots [6]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Multi, That's it, but as i said there's a bit of self-hate thrown in here, but their self-esteems are too low to realize the others want to cuddle with them too, otherwise i hope you enjoy it!, take care of yourselves y'all and please don't read if this could be triggering for you, that's the one shot, they're all oblivious idiots, they're all touch starved, this can be either platonic or romantic LAMP, touch starved, whatever you want it to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27652571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrarryMalecSolangelo/pseuds/DrarryMalecSolangelo
Summary: Patton is touch starved. But so is Virgil. But so is Logan. But so is Roman. But- Just know that they're all touch starved and completely oblivious about the other's willingness (and eagerness) to cuddle. That's all.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Series: Sanders Sides One Shots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2011990
Comments: 11
Kudos: 110





	F̶i̶v̶e̶  A million second hugs

Patton hugged his plushie tight against his chest as he tossed around in his bed. He felt uncomfortable; his skin was way too sensitive but, at the same time, the touch wasn't enough.

His plushie had been a nice replacement for real touch for a while, but it was beginning to be… underwhelming, even more so as he knew the difference with _real_ touch. From time to time, Patton got a side hug or a light arm touch by Roman, or he rested a hand on Virgil's shoulder for a couple of seconds for both his and the other's momentary comfort. But the plushie... It simply wasn't the same, and certainly not enough.

As the embodiment of Thomas' feelings, he needed affectionate touches more often than others, and it sucked, not because he didn't want to engage in it but because he didn't want to make the others uncomfortable.

Sure, he'd be delighted to hug the other sides tightly, resting his head against their chest just the right way to produce that homey feeling he enjoyed so much, and he'd propose a cuddle pile so that he could be close to everyone he loved at the same time, satisfying his need for touch. But Patton wouldn't overstep boundaries, become a burden, just because he wanted a hug. He wouldn't bother the others with his nonsense. 

Patton could deal with it.

•☆☆☆•

Virgil laid in bed, wide awake as he stared at the ceiling and tugged his hoodie's sleeves even further. He wouldn't admit it, but he did it just for the sensation of comfort that the fabric lightly rubbing his arms provided.

He frowned slightly. It wasn't nearly as good as what he really craved, but it would have to do. He had managed to get used to it, so it shouldn't be too difficult, though the quick physically affectionate displays from Patton always hit him like a bucket of cold water. He was only trying to deceive himself. He wanted more.

He wanted for Patton to go in for a real hug, and not just a simple pat in the back. He wanted Logan to rest against his side during movie nights. He wanted Roman to caress his hair the way he had done so long ago, a memory that now lived in his mind with the fog of time covering it. 

He longed for all those memories to be renewed, for this discomfort that had settled in his chest ages ago to finally leave him, but he would never force any of the others to do things they didn't want to do. And if they didn't want to get physical? That was okay, it was completely understandable that they wouldn't want anything to do with him. He could just continue using hoodies to satiate the need for touch; he'd do that and it would be okay.

Virgil could deal with it.

•☆☆☆•

Logan was staring at his ceiling, hoping against hope that he'd just fall asleep already. 

But, as the past three hours in that exact same position had shown him, it was to no avail. 

He pulled his weighted blanket a little closer.

The blanket did help, he had made sure to find something that would appease his needs, but it didn't calm his mind. He wanted- needed- someone there with him; to hold him as he slept, to intertwine their fingers as they talked or simply sat in comfortable silence, to caress his hair softly as he read a book.

Logan needed someone, but he didn't want just anyone. He wanted Roman to cuddle him, Virgil to hold his hand, and Patton to ruffle his curls the way only he could do.

It was illogical, he knew, but he was past the point of caring. The lack of touch stimulation provided by a real person was too much for him to handle.

Logan scolded himself mentally, turning to position himself sideways in hopes that the change of weight would somehow help. 

He had to content himself with it. He wouldn't bother anyone else because of irrational, stupid, human needs. The others probably didn't even know he _had_ those. He wasn't about to acknowledge them only to ask something from them, least of all if the need could be subdued- and hopefully eventually replaced- by his weighted blanket. The others didn't deserve that. He'd make do.

Logan could deal with it.

•☆☆☆•

Roman sat in the imagination, his gaze idly fixed on a little flower a couple of steps away, but he wasn't really seeing it.

He felt something in his arm, an insistent touch- almost a poke. 

"Hey, Re," he said softly, coming out of his daydream.

Refrenata, a small Beagle, nuzzled Roman's arm with her snout again.

Roman uncrossed his arms, only then realizing he had ever crossed them in the first place, and made place for his dog to make herself comfortable in his lap. She brought along a slight warmth, and it was appreciated. She really was a life-saver.

Roman loved the comfort she supplied and the company she was always so ready to provide, but, at the end of the day, he knew she wasn't real.

Refrenata was simply a coping mechanism, made up by his mind in the imagination in order to stay sane.

But how could Roman even compare the almost weightless comfort of a fake when he knew just how good the real deal was? And, not just by anyone either; he knew the comfort given by people he loved.

Roman wanted it more than anything, he craved it and dreamt about it more often than not. He wanted to kiss Patton's temple, and he wanted Virgil to bump his shoulder while they argued playfully, and he wanted Logan to lay in his lap when he read, instead of Refrenata.

Roman knew, however, how selfish those thoughts were. He wouldn't force the other sides into it because he knew it was just the egocentric part of him surfacing. He wanted it, but he didn't want to submit everyone he loved to his ego. No, Refrenata would have to suffice some way or another. He wouldn't bother the rest.

Roman could deal with it.

•☆☆☆•

Patton, Virgil, Logan and Roman could _not_ deal with it.

They had tried. They had failed. And, as luck would have it, they all unknowingly found themselves in their common area that fateful night, looking for different ways to cope.

"Virgil?" a voice called from behind him in the kitchen, where he was making pancakes while still wearing his hoodie.

"Roman? Shouldn't you be sleeping?" the anxious side asked back, startled. 

"Shouldn't you?" Roman raised a brow. He was wearing his pajamas too.

"Don't turn this conversation around," he replied, feigning annoyance. 

Roman smiled but, before any of them could get another word out, Logan made his way into the kitchen from the living room, holding a book in his hand.

"What are you all doing here?"

"I could ask the same question," Patton said as he appeared from the hallway's door, rubbing one of his eyes with the back of his hand and holding his plushie with the other one.

Logan lifted his book. "I was just reading on the couch," he said with a shrug.

"I was going to watch a movie, so I came looking for snacks," Roman explained.

Virgil rubbed his arms unconsciously. "I stress-bake." 

They all immediately turned alert. "Are you stressed? Why? If there's any way we can help, please tell us," Patton said as he approached him. Roman and Logan came closer too, nodding their heads along to what the moral side was saying.

"Oh, no, it's okay," Virgil tried to reassure them, but then Patton put a hand on his shoulder, and he felt the warmth of his hand over the fabric of his hoodie, _and Patton had a hand on his shoulder_ , and he felt the weight of it on that spot, _and Patton had a hand on his shoulder_ , and he felt the relief mixed with anxiety of finally getting everything he had wanted, _and oh god Patton had a hand on his shoulder._ Virgil didn't know how to react and, suddenly, he had tensed up.

And Patton saw it.

He retracted his hand quickly. "I'm so sorry, kiddo! I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable!"

There was a silence. Roman and Logan stared curiously, Patton worried over what he had done and Virgil just kind of short-circuited.

“What did you just say?”

“I’m sorry- I-” Virgil interrupted him. 

“You think I’m- uncomfortable?”

Another silence stretched between them until Virgil broke down in laughter.

The other sides looked at each other, wondering what on Earth was going on. But Virgil kept laughing and laughing, and suddenly he wasn’t laughing anymore; he was crying.

Because the situation was so, _so_ , pathetic.

Roman was quick to step forward, “Hey, hey, Virge, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” 

He cried a little harder. It was his fault, wasn’t it?

But then Roman opened his arms, and Virgil fell into them as willingly as one falls for their fantasies, and Logan and Patton took the few steps forward needed to come in contact with the distressed side as well.

With his head tenderly cradled in Princey’s arms, Logan’s thumb softly wiping away any tear that dared stain his face, and Patton’s lips pressed firmly on the crown of his hair, Virgil realized that they didn’t seem annoyed or bothered by him at all, they were just worried, and that caused him to cry a little harder.

How much had they all missed because of bottling up everything they wished for?

Virgil felt his skin tickle, it was overwhelmingly warm and the sensation was mildly uncomfortable; he had gone so long without any proper stimulation that this was simply too much for him, but he didn’t want to break the hug. He felt safe, and he felt loved, and, for the first time in a while, he knew everything would eventually be okay.

“You all really thought I didn’t want this?” he asked as soon as he was able to breathe properly again, tears no longer falling from his eyes.

“I thought- I just-” Patton tried- “I didn’t think any of you would want to be bothered by me.”

Logan stared at him, then shifted his gaze to Roman. “Did you feel that way too?”

Hesitantly, the creative side nodded his head. Logan sighed.

“We’re all idiots,” he stated. The others laughed lightly, acknowledging it.

“We are,” Virgil agreed. 

“But we don’t have to be anymore,” Patton said quietly, almost fearfully.

There was a beat of silence, one in which they all mentally repented their actions and blindness to reality, and promised never to do that again, and then Virgil spoke up.

“Roman, you said something about watching a movie earlier?” 

“I did, yeah.”

“A movie sounds good.”

And finally, _finally_ , they all got what they had craved for so long. Patton got to hug everyone tightly in the cuddle pile he proposed, sprawled over Roman and resting his head against Virgil’s chest comfortably as the other made quiet comments about Dumbo, all countered by Logan, who rested against his other side, his and Patton’s intertwined fingers lazily laying in between them. Roman got to rest his head on top of Virgil’s, leaving small kisses and nuzzling his hair, caressing Patton’s tummy softly and responding to Logan’s witty remarks with some of his own. 

Patton’s plushie laid on the kitchen’s floor, forgotten, just like Logan’s weighted blanket in his room. Refrenata, without a real purpose now, slept peacefully in the imagination. Virgil’s hoodie was thrown somewhere around Roman’s room, useless now that its owner knew just how much it paled in comparison to what he was currently experiencing.

They all knew now that communicating was essential. They knew that they would never be a burden to the ones who loved them. They knew that, if they needed- or simply wanted something- they could always ask for it.

They also knew now that they all loved each other, and that everything would be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about it. I kinda like it, but I also hate everything I do so I'm in that weird gray space so just,,,, leave your opinion in the comments! dkflgklf it's okay if you don't tho!! 
> 
> thank you all for reading ♡  
> (and, in case you were wondering, Refrenata means repression in Latin)


End file.
